Chapter 1

Love Sex Decriminalized

6 September 2018

"I'm really looking forward to meeting you, but please do not mind me saying this - no matter what, there is simply no way we'll have sex on our first date. If that is a problem for you, you need to tell me right now," I made it point-blank and he replied that he didn’t want sex.

I was content to hear news channels say, “Gay sex is no longer a crime.” As a person among millions of gay folks across the country, I should have been celebrating that victory that had freed me from prosecution for expressing my natural desires. Yes, it was paramount for everyone in the community to acknowledge that that judgement had alleviated our pain by removing the tag that named us all CRIMINALS.

The celebration was a given, but not with anyone other than him. He who had taken the oath of being my proprietor, and he who would loathe to give up his proprietary over me. Our rendezvous was scheduled for 6 PM in Metro station, Uttam Nagar West. It had been a year and a half since I had met him for the first time, and that meeting had lasted for two minutes. As a result, I couldn't even glance properly at his face. Since then, it was only in his photos that I had been seeing his animated beauty, but his aroma - a product of his body odour and the fragrance of his perfume - was still lingering in my mind as a faded memory. It was going to be our transitional first meeting. Our online relationship was about to transition to the next level.

As the date grew nearer, my anticipation and expectations grew exponentially with each passing hour. While I was anxiously waiting, the clock struck Five and my pulse quickened in excitement. I was restless and eager throughout the day, waiting for that impending moment when the both of us could spend our first few minutes together. I was imagining a lot of stuff in my mind, and the knowledge that all those fantasies were about to become reality added to my excitement.

Should I buy him a gift or something of that sort? Why not Dairy Milk? But, even a schoolchild does that to propose to their infatuated lover.

An array of silly thoughts flooded my mind. Nothing strikes fear into our hearts like the prospect of meeting someone who is important to us for the very first time.

Oops… I’m already late, and it seems I’ll have to rush. I’m not sure if I’ll have enough time to buy something for him. Whatever it’s going to be, let me decide after reaching the Metro station. Now, hurry up, Mohit, I told myself.

“Have you arrived?” he asked.

“On my way, Agil. What about you?”

“I’ve already reached, Mohit.”

“Holy moly, don’t you think you’re too punctual for a person like me?”

"Ha-ha, is that right? Just hurry."

"Sir, yes, sir! I'll be there by the earliest," I tried to make it sound as serious as possible.

"That's right, soldier. You better be," he said laughing

***

I reached the Metro station only to realise that I hadn't brought my Metro smartcard.

Oh, for heaven’s sake!

I was extremely anxious by then, not only by the happiness of meeting him after a year and a half but also at the thought of having prolonged his agony. I was already ten minutes late, and it was going to take five more minutes to buy a token. I was panicky, and as a duty-bound to-be-boyfriend, I’d’ve to let him know about my carelessness. As I stood in the queue, I rang him.

“Pardon me, it’ll take a few more minutes for me to arrive. Please, don’t feel disgusted.” I tried to be as articulate and humble as I could be.

“I see no reason to be disgusted. I am happy that you’ve at least reached the station,” he said as if trying to mock my unusual tardiness.

I laced my fingers through my unkempt hair in a futile attempt to fix it.

“Er… I’m sorry about that. Bear with me…”

I panted as I struggled to jostle my way through the crowd.

Meanwhile, I bought my token, but since we hadn’t decided where we were about to go, I bought it only to deboard at the very next station.

“Hey, I’ve bought my token.”

“Kudos for such an accomplishment. Now your next endeavour is to walk upstairs and find me,” he said before he hung the call-up.

My eyes started to waver around as though they were manoeuvring hard to become a chameleon’s eyes, so that they could rotate around and focus separately, achieving a 360-degree vision. While walking upstairs, I noticed myself grab the handrail involuntarily in order to steady my lopsided footing, as if it was a magical rod that would guide me to the spot where he was. Looking around, I saw busy people hurrying up, walking past me, pretending to be in a race. I watched this, all that while waiting for him to appear, and thought,

Swaying away in merry

Buzzing in the busy evening,

While all its brothers and sisters

Hurried back home to get cosy,

The bee thought of its darling.

I felt someone touch me tenderly at first, but within a fraction of a second, the touch became forceful to the point that it astounded me. A sudden strange thrill passed through my entire body as he came from my rear to scare me. Utterly flabbergasted as I was, partly by his successful attempt to scare me, and partly to look at his exquisitely shaped face for the first time, I was overwhelmed by both fear and happiness. He was that quintessential well-groomed boyfriend that anyone would want to have. With his dreamy dark brown eyes, smooth skin and a recently trimmed, well-oiled beard, he could easily pass off as a real manifestation of a filtered photo. He was dressed in a T-shirt with white, blue and lavender stripes, just like an angel who had landed from heaven.

“I scared you, didn’t I?”

His bouts of uncontrolled, girlish giggles accompanied his husky, raucous voice when he asked that question. Yes, his voice and his expressions were apparently oxymoronic; the perfect blend of femininity and masculinity, which had always made me describe him as a beautiful, pretty guy rather than a handsome one.

“N... no... Not... not really, maybe you should try your luck next time,” I stammered and tried my best to cover my embarrassment up.

He broke out into laughter as if he saw a clown, and I could count his harmoniously arranged teeth on his lower jaw. “I don’t think you are good at lying, are you?” he asked as he exuded a feminine charm.

“Er…”

Evidently coy as we both were at that point in time, I was searching for the right word to change the topic.

“Shall we go to a shopping mall nearby?” I managed to ask nervously.

I knew that shopping malls were the spots teeming with couples like ourselves, and so I thought that a mall would make a better place for us to spend some time. Moreover, I wanted to put an end to this awkwardness prevailing between us due to our being shy.

“Why not City Centre Mall in Dwarka?” he asked readily as if he had pre-planned it. The platform of the metro station was bustling with people, and so I thought leaving that place, as soon as we could, would relieve us from the shyness or so.

I could only reach the next station with the token that I’d bought, whereas Dwarka sector 12 was six stations away from Uttam Nagar West. Yet, I didn’t want to reject his proposal.

“Sure,” I said with a nonchalant shrug and a throat dry enough to grow cactus in.

“Well, then, come on.”

He led the way gracefully and I followed him impatiently, clumsily and happily as I noticed his swaying hips, and dancing arse from the rear.

We were heading to Dwarka. As we were travelling, the evening gave way to dusk. The last rays of the Sun slowly faded away.

***

As we entered the City Centre Mall, he had not given up his poise, and my disorientation. He was very casual as we strolled through the lobby and rode up the elevator. And, I can clearly say that both of us were too self-conscious and embarrassed to express our affection for each other. All that we could do was to stare at each other constantly as if trying to reciprocate our affection for one another just by gazing into each other’s eyes with both awkwardness and love simultaneously. I could practically hear my heart thumping wildly against my chest as if it was about to burst open my rib cage.

We were both filled with uneasiness for not being able to even hold each other’s hand. The feeling of ecstasy entwined with dread when you are with your beloved and are not in a position to express your affinity for him is uncanny. Certainly, both of us were not comfortable being in the company of people around us. We wanted a serene place so that we could spend our time in tranquillity without being noticed or frowned at for the so-called gross indecency.

“Why don’t we walk to the nearby park?” I asked impatiently.

He only nodded his head affirmatively, as if he was baffled by my suggestion.

We started towards the park, and while we were strolling on the main road, I felt his tender fingers trying to grasp mine, and I unintentionally reproached his manoeuvre. For a second, I thought he would be rattled by what I just did, but to my surprise, he smiled at me constantly, as if his smile was his Intellectual Property, and he was mysteriously proud of owning it. I couldn’t’ve known that in a few years down the line, the warmth that his smile always emanated would be gone.

We had to race to cross a busy road. While I began to jog to cross the road, I noticed Agil’s arms suddenly went up at the elbows, his wrists loosened, and he did not run so much as prance his way along the crosswalk, his hands flapping alternately all the way to the curb.

We entered the park and were glad to find that there was only a meagre number of people around that we could see and hear, save for the twittering of birds in the Indian beech trees that the park teemed with. His hand once again moved skilfully to hold mine, and this time he was triumphant; his grasping my hand suggested an intimacy from ages to be continued for a time beyond death.

The park seemed to be the best that we could have, a place of calm, order and tranquillity far removed from the chaos and congestion of the mall and the metro station. The leaves of the beech trees fluttered noisily along with the chirping of birds in them. The park had stone benches all over and we moved to a secluded one where we could create our own private space.

We were engrossed in each other’s company, still trying hard to find words to speak.

“Oh, Goddesses! Could there be someone on Earth at present as idyllic as I am?” he asked as he gently rubbed my wrist with his palm.

“Don’t you think I am as exquisite as you are?”

People started darting around for shelter as it seemed that a downpour was about to start. But, before the clouds burst to celebrate the verdict and invite the RAINBOW for the merrymaking, he shed his watery pearls of sodium chloride that were priorly welling his eyes up, waiting for a while, to wet his wrist. I made out that he was sensitive, and I couldn’t afford to allow him to weep.

And so intending to crack a joke, I said, “I’ve studied that tears kill germs. Are your tears purporting to kill the germs that were haunting us all until today? …Well, … hmm... I mean.... the anti-sodomy law.”

“Only the law was killed, but the stigma? Just the germs, not its impact.”

That was an unexpected sombre note from him. For a few seconds, I was speechless again.

Is the verdict as flimsy as Agil thinks? Will we ever be accepted by this society? Will we perpetually be sinners in the eyes of other people?

All sorts of questions started flooding my brain. The hesitation was so long that even the uproarious thunder could not stun me as did those questions in my mind. I was lost to the point that he had to caress my shoulder to bring me back to my senses. As I regained consciousness, I sensed my wrist getting wet. I searched Agil’s eyes for water, but his eyes were dry. Perhaps the first of the champagne bottles were opened in heaven to start carousing. Yes, Heaven’s own gays had started their celebration.

He gazed at my left ring finger, and without his having spoken a word, I figured out that he was about to ask for my ring. Much to my surprise, he didn’t ask for it but instead made the next move of taking out a silver ring from his pocket. I knew what was about to happen, and there was nothing more I wanted than to exchange my ring with his.

As if by instinct, I pulled out my ring. The spell of the wizard in front of me had achieved what none of my dear ones had. An innate feeling that my steel ring was reaching an alchemist, drove me to grip his elegant fingers and slip it around his finger as he reciprocated. All this, happening without any verbal conversation between us, added to the intimacy. Mechanically, we started cuddling each other, an instance of warmth filling the deepest recesses of my heart, in spite of coldness in the rest of my body induced by the icy virgin showers that had started. As the drops from the sky became too heavy for us to bear, we darted around for shelter.

With the feeling of unexplained delight taking over, we sped towards the back of the park where there were buildings. A concerned security guard in one of those structures asked us to get inside the building.

As we got inside the place, we heard voices chanting hymns of Krishna. There was an assembly of five women engrossed in their ritual. Spiritual as Agil and I were, we didn’t want to miss the prayer. We joined the chorus and I was cast in a flood of remembrance of my childhood - those old Tuesdays, in the temple near my home, with my sister and the songs in praise of Krishna. Having exchanged rings, the religious ceremony that we had then become a part of seemed to carry an intimacy that bound our soul together in a sacred union.

I was intensely elated and wasn’t sure how much time passed in this manner, but suddenly it was all over. The rain had stopped, and so had our chants. The women blessed us, and so did Krishna indeed. As we were walking away from the building, the rain suddenly came down again. By then, we were already a hundred metres away from that building that sheltered us. Running towards that building would’ve drenched us.

"Oh, man! Is my luck running out already? Why now of all times?" I shouted.

Perhaps the clouds were recharged by our love. We took shelter in between two-tall buildings, under the window canopy. Ah! What do they call those slabs? Sunshade slabs? Well, never mind. "Maybe the gods of rain like us a lot," I said.

"Not more than I like you. I bet." He shoved my arms lightly, clearly embarrassed at what he just said.

I gazed at him in astonishment. His face twinkled through the tiny drops of water under the blinking street light. I could see the raindrops trickling down his throat, his Adam's apple going up and down. Was he thirsty? I could smell the nervousness in the air. I slowly took my hanky that I had shoved into my right back pocket in a hurry, when I started from my home - silently thanking myself that I did - I extended my hand to wipe his face out of the wetness that was surrounding us. Nevertheless, I was only growing hotter and hotter by the minute. Damn! That was funny because it was raining cats and dogs.

Who was I? An infatuated teenager? To feel such desires all of a sudden, to want to grab his neck and plant mellow kisses on his dripping face. But, even adults have such desires to get romantic on their first date. So, I thought of giving it a try.

Oh, my goddesses! Stop it, Mohit, I told myself. But, I couldn't,

As gay as a gleaming taper

The Bee got a whiff of the sweet scent,

Mesmerised by the aroma, slobber

The Bee went closer and closer

Fingers crossed, I tried to look around to calm myself down. Just as I was about to close my eyes, Agil pulled me by my hand. His face was just a few inches away, our bodies touched each other. His hair was wet and pressed against his skull, which turned out to be surprisingly delicate, and finely shaped. I looked around, it was all dark outsiders, no one was around. I let out a sigh of relief. He tightened his grip around my waist.

Come closer, I'll give you all my love was what I heard through his actions. Little did I know that he would sooner or later drift away from me, and I would have to reassure myself in vain that he would come closer to me again.

I let myself go with the flow. I noticed his hazel brown eyes gazing at me, both warm and deep, giving me daggers. My pulse was quickening by the second. Some nagging little martinet in my brain gasped in shock and ordered me to recede. But I ignored the reprimands and moved smoothly into his arms. I wasn’t certain if I was drenched by the rain or was drowning in something very much like ecstasy. He pulled me still closer, till I felt his bristly beard surrounding his smooth lips.

Will I leave his beard burnt? I wondered in panic. That nagging in my brain was less insistent.

Are we going to kiss? On the first date? Seems like a scene straight out of a comic book.

"Do you read comics?" I questioned him without even thinking.

A puzzled look appeared on his face. "Huh? What?" he asked me.

Okay, that was stupid for a 24-year-old to say when you were about to get your long-awaited kiss. "Uh... Uhm... nothing. Was just... ahem... curious" I was stuttering. Way to go, Mohit. Awesome! I'm so proud of you.

He snickered. "Yeah, right. You're funny. And to answer your question, no, I don't read comics" He let out a deep sigh as he loosened his arms around me. Is he disappointed in me? Ah! who wouldn’t be? I spoke to myself. "I… I... I'm sorry for ruining the mood," I played innocent.

"That's alright."

The rain had slowed down by then. A sudden unwelcome feeling of disappointment took over, and we both knew it was the right thing to do.

“I’ve to go back on time, otherwise the warden of my hostel won’t let me in.”

"Shall we?" I asked as I gestured my right arm. He quickly entwined his arms with mine, rubbing his head on my shoulder, just like a cheeky little one. I found it very cute.

"Yes, my little prince charming," he said with a coquettish laugh, and we started down the aisle; he, with a coquettish gait.

We promenaded back towards the park. The Moon had just appeared to participate in the ongoing celebration of love. The night was growing cooler, and a crisp breeze rolled over our faces.

Neither of us spoke for a long time. Finally, he reached over, took me by the hand, led me towards the metro station, where he broke the silence, and asked intently, “Beyond this moment, will you stay with me?”

“I vow to you.”

When we sensed people around us while trudging towards the station, we no longer held our hands. An uninvited sadness filled my heart when I realised that I was to part his company temporarily.

***

Entirely consumed by thoughts of him, I wasn’t in a position to dine. Agitated by his forthright eyes that bespoke his breeding, I did nothing other than fancy him with me for years to come. Unsure of whether I’d be able to sleep well with nostalgia for those cuddling moments, I hit my sack.

7 September 2018

Slumbering in my bed like a baby, who was not willing to get out of his bed until someone forcefully woke him up, I heard a tiny and familiar sound. In no mood to let go of my dream, I fumbled for my mobile on the bedside. Squinting my just opened eyes for them to get accustomed to the light that the dawn had brought with it, I answered the ring without even attempting to see who was calling.

“Hey! Still asleep?”

“Ah! You ring me up at midnight and ask me if I’m sleeping?” I asked sarcastically.

“I usually go for a walk in a park near my hostel in the morning believing the air quality to be better in the morning so that I don’t contract asthma or something of that sort. You know what I mean.”

When he said it, I imagined how his body language would have been as he spoke – the fluid, theatrical motions of his hands, the girly way in which he tossed his head, his feminine gesticulations and postures.

“This is when I generally sleep. You know... I work at night, and... it is only natural for me to sleep in the morning.”

I felt unusually refreshed, probably because I was speaking to him.

“Don’t you have your week off on Saturday?”

“Yes, Saturday and Sunday. Hey! I have a plan for Saturday. I was uncertain if you would accept it. Hmm… are you okay with staying with me on Saturday’s night… er… in .... in a lodge?”

I desperately wanted to be with him.

I further said, “Ah! Don’t get offended. I just want a calm spot, where there is no one to judge us, to spend some time. As in, speaking out our hearts, opening out about our pasts, and....”

“I’m absolutely okay with it. But the fact that you are intending to fritter your money away to meet me is infuriating. Don’t you remember that I’ven’t started earning yet?”

I knew that he was yearning to meet me. I didn’t answer his last question, and there prevailed an awkward silence, which he tried to break.

“This mortal was born to share his life with you. I NEED to be the one to know you the most, and I NEED you to be the one to know me the most.”

“I need exactly the same. Shall I have a room booked?”

“I’m ambivalent about it. Should I wait for a whole day to meet you?”

I knew that he'd accept at some point in time, but didn’t expect him to transition within fractions of a second. I thought that I’d have to either try hard to convince him or drop the plan.

“Seems someone is agitated by the thought of being with his lover for a whole night.”

“Haha… slightly. I want to grow old with you, Mohit.” I was dumbstruck and he continued, “I’ve got classes, so I’m leaving now. I’ll catch you as soon as I’m back from college.”

“Take care.”

***

Engulfed by the thoughts of our impending meetup, I booked a room in Hotel Blue Stone right away. Perturbed and uneasy as I then was, I wanted to rekindle my endearment for him. I started reading the chats that we had the previous day over the phone, hoping that I’d feel his presence near me if I skimmed through them. Involuntarily, I smiled in exhilaration reading those messages.

“We’ll have our betrothal this Saturday and wedding the very next Saturday.”, he had sent.

“ :-)” I’d sent without knowing how to react to his childlike conduct.

“I’m serious :-(”

“It is indeed vital for us to get married. Let’s hope for the best.”

8 September 2018

As planned, we met at Uttam Nagar East metro station from where he accompanied me to Kalkaji where the hotel, in which I’d booked a room, was located. I was immensely longing for what was about to happen between us. I mean what we were going to talk about - our pasts and all. Though we’d’d our chit chats for about six months, we never spoke about our past lives or previous relationships, ergo I never felt to be as intimate as I was while we were heading towards the hotel.

Both of us were in our black T-shirts and shorts, and that was indeed impromptu. He had trimmed his hair and beard, and I was unable to notice anything else that had changed in him, especially that intoxicating smile for which I’d developed a penchant while we were in Dwarka. It was conspicuous from his fondling of my hand that his libido had risen significantly after having had dinner. We were in a lift to the fifth floor with a couple of other people with us in the elevator. We noticed that one of them was looking at his hand clutching mine. Since it was just the second time we’d met, I still hadn’t gotten used to skinship and I became quite wary of that guy who was looking at us.

What if that man shouts at us or in the worst-case scenario - what if he beats us up, and calls a few more bigots for his aid? I asked myself.

After all, many people are very good at MORAL POLICING. They bark at girls, who, according to them, don’t wear TRADITIONAL CLOTHES. And, these Moral Police believe in the principle of SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD. Therefore, they wouldn’t bother hitting gay lovers publicly.

The doors of the lift opened, and while we stepped out I asked, “Is your tummy filled?”

“Please open the door soon. I have to pee.”

“What?”, I asked as I twisted the door’s knob, but impatient as he was, he was not ready to speak any further.

“Is it urgent?”

He just pushed the door open and got into the loo that was to the right just after the room’s entrance and closed the door behind him. The room we were in was a plush parquet floored room with neatly arranged furniture. The fragrance in the air added to the luxury. I sat on the sofa and switched the television on as he came out of the lavatory.

“Relieved?”

“Yes. I’d like to talk to you. After all, that’s why we’ve come here, haven’t we?”

He insisted on me -as directly as he could- to switch the TV off, and I did as he expected me to. Silence took over and I could hear the ticking of the clock, and it was almost 9 PM.

I asked, “Hey! I wanted to ask you about how you fell for me… ah! I mean, we’ve only been penpals for such a long time...”

I was expecting that night to be filled with romantic talks, but not romantic acts. So, when he tried to nuzzle, I rebuked him advertently, though I knew that he’d be pretty miffed by what I did. There was something deep in my heart that forbade me from getting physically involved with him. To my astonishment, he was not miffed, rather he grinned.

“What do you smile for?”

“Sorry about that.”

Though not angry, he was embarrassed. And yet, I was certain that what I did was right.

“I want to say something to you...um… I think it is essential for you to know about them all,” he said.

“I’m all ears for it. Go on.”

I grew exuberant since I thought that he was about to say something serious. He chewed his thumb like a little boy.

“Agil?”

“Mmm...I don’t know how to say it. I don’t know how to explain. I’ve never had to put it into words for anyone before.”

“I’m a good listener.”

“Give me some time to try to articulate. I think it is important for you to get the whys and wherefores of these matters as they happened.”

“We have an entire night. Isn’t that sufficient?”

“Just a few seconds.”

“I can wait.”

He stared at the refrigerator behind me for a while, trying to call something to his mind. Then he looked into my eyes and started.